Review Cheaper by the Dozen (2022) – a pointless cash-in remake that’s no laughing matter

Summary

An unfunny, irritating remake that’s just as exhausting as living with nine kids.

This review for the Disney+ movie Cheaper by the Dozen (2022) contains no spoilers.

Disney is continuing its never-ending mission to redo its entire catalog of movies with this useless offering. Zach Braff stars as Paul Baker, an all-day breakfast restaurateur and father of a family of nine. This busy household juggles work at the family restaurant and a busy school schedule, but their father has bigger dreams.

Right off the bat, this comedy has all the cliched trappings of countless other Disney family films. You’ve got the poppy soundtrack, lazy voiceovers, and sassy kids galore. The opening credits introduce the Bakers via a family album slideshow, with Beyoncé performing in the background. Next, Zach Braff tells us about the nine children and their unique dreams. This categorization means the characters don’t need any additional development or actual personality. For example, you have a comic book nerd, a punk in a band, and the basketball protege, etc.

The lazy writing continues with the awkward humor or lack thereof. This comedy delivers an onslaught of jokes, most barely raising a smile. The children are walked around like comic geniuses, delivering lively remarks at every turn, as if they were wise beyond their years. This shtick is really thin and adds to the dated quality of the film. Every “bad” joke should probably end with a comedic drum sting or they might as well go ahead and add a laugh track. Yes, it’s not funny.

With the family behind on rent, Paul pitches his amazing new business idea to twin investors Melanie and Michele. It is a sauce that can be spicy, sweet or salty depending on the food that accompanies it. Lost, let’s go, okay? The presentation is a success and the family instantly moves into a new mansion and posh school. A change of scenery allows for a new tension. Add a subplot of bullying, dating issues, other college cliches, and a troubled cousin, who also comes to stay with the gang.

The film unfolds with its lackluster jokes and predictable storylines for almost two hours. This makes a tortuous watch. The film is loud and obnoxious, with bad attempts to address racism and coming-of-age issues, which pale in comparison to the likes of Pixar. Become red. In conclusion, this is a skippable remake that doesn’t deserve a second of your precious time.

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You can watch this movie with a Disney+ subscription.

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