Should the wife tell her friend that her husband is having an affair?

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Dear Amy,

My husband and I have two close friends: “Jack” and “Katrina”, who are married and have two children.

We are often with them and with other couples at social gatherings.

I recently found out that Jack was having a multi-year affair with another much younger friend, “Martina”.

I spoke to Jack and Martina and told them they had to be honest with Katrina.

They did not and continue their affair in secret. I know this because I spend all the time in front of Martina’s house, where I see her car parked in front.

I confronted them again. Jack said he hadn’t told Katrina anything and had no intention of doing so. They told me to mind my own business.

What should I do? My husband says I should stay out of this, but if I was Katrina I would like to know that my husband was openly having an affair.

It is also very embarrassing to see Jack and Katrina at events, as it seems that I am complicit in the lie by pretending I don’t know.

Should I tell my friend?

– Wondering

You have tried powerfully to interrupt this matter.

Even if your interference is excessive, I think so, if you value your friendship with “Katrina” you should tell her about it.

I agree with you that being aware of the matter for many months (and caring about it, as you obviously do) puts you in a position to lie by omission.

You could bring this up with caution to Katrina by saying, “If ‘Jack’ was having an affair, would you like to know? If she responds by asking, “Why? Do you know something? You should say you do.

She might say “No, I’m fine.” If so, you should let it lie.

Dear Amy,

I am a 60 year old divorced woman in a relationship with a 64 year old divorced man, “Dave”.

Dave and I each have two adult children aged 28 to 34.

Dave has a great relationship with his son, but he recently found out, through his ex-wife, that their 34-year-old son was selling drugs to a small group of friends.

Dave has a good relationship with his ex, but we don’t know if “drugs” means marijuana or something else.

Marijuana is partly legal in this state, but any other drug would be illegal.

I asked Dave if he was going to talk to his son and he said yes, but it’s been three weeks and he hasn’t said anything to him.

Dave made an attempt by inviting his son over to his house to talk, but the son brought his girlfriend and he didn’t want to say anything in front of her.

I have lost respect for his son and I am angry that Dave has not told his son yet.

Should I stay out of this?

– JB

A huge advantage of dating, over cohabitation or marriage, is that you actually have no responsibility for notifying, berating, or even having a perspective on your friend’s parenting choices.

This young (rather) adult has two parents who know him and care about him.

You don’t have the right to dictate the timing of your man’s confrontation with his son.

Yes, you should stay out of this.

Phew. Are you not relieved?

Dear Amy,

My daughter just got married and received a very expensive gift, which was sent to her without any identifying information.

The wedding had around 85 guests, so she can determine who it may be from to some extent.

What’s the best thing to do?

She can ask guests that she has no record of a gift and deal with the embarrassment that they may not have sent anything.

Or she can skip a thank you note, which will likely hurt the feelings of the person giving the gift.

Is there another way to handle this?

– Mom uncertain

It is much better for your daughter to take a little social risk, rather than avoiding the whole problem.

She should narrow down her list. She can send individual emails, or a group email and blind copy everyone, saying something like, “Please forgive the awkwardness, but I’m trying to sort them out. wedding gifts and packages we have received. A package that has been shipped has no identification. . If you sent a gift and your gift was not recognized, please let me know. We would love to solve the first mystery of our marriage. “

Write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email [email protected]


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